I said I do, but I wont let you have that satisfaction of wAtching me fight. So empty. They dont know half of whats been going on. He made all my needs his priority. With everything else around me changing I suppose that I fear for our relationship because this is one of the only things I KNOW I want. (what i have done, journaled privately, discussed with close friends and family, deleted social media and phone number, havent spoken a word to her.) That hit home! God forbid I have lingering doubts about him. They are jealous & envious of YOU, they literally want EVERYTHING that you are & you have, including your SOUL My god do I wish id have left things then but it sucked me in. yes, he is fearful of my presence and tells the kidss, I dont want your mother anywhere near me, lol. I caught him once again lying about a girl and still does. Ive been through it, too. I never thought a male so complicated could exist. 3. I lost contact with all other family members. This happens twice a year. A few days ago one of my coaching clients contacted me with an interesting request. And if they cant be guaranteed to stay away, we can stay on a roller coaster of emotion, wondering if and will they will return, and that gives them a considerable amount of control over us. Ive been discarded like a McDonalds wrapper. If you are truly the owner of this image, you should already be aware of it being hosted on their platform. If I didnt still have all his e-mails proving what I am saying then I would end up believing his bullshit and lies. My narc called me an alcoholic, bipolar, bad mum etc etc all in front of police whilst he was raging because i have hidden some assets and he tried to get them and they werent here si he called the police. And he is holding on, believing I am the love of his life. I just need to share this as I feel lost sometimes, but on the right path.I wanted to share this, as I am scared of my ex. I can say that it was initially hard, but once you reclaim happiness in yourself and your own life, you realize how much better off you are. Is that possible with a family that is as religious as you guys? And how do you tell someone that they may be dating a narc? Narcissists thrive off being in control, when you were a couple, they got a kick out of watching you ask, how high? after instructing you to jump. Do they send clues or try to spy to see if you are still alive? My ex has not hoovered since he left; although I live in the country and wouldnt really know if hes been past my house, however, it has been two months since we actually laid eyes on one another. I broke up with him and got back together with him a year and a half later, only to see the old pattern re-surface. To try and engage you, the narcissist will appear to "own up" to their mistakes and will feign humility and remorse in an attempt to pull at your heartstrings. I did that because i am sure he gets a kick out of it if he sees me broken on the floor. I did and I am so much happier now. You and your children could be in grave danger. If you get suspicious, they may cut off that contact again, at least temporarily. You will kick yourself for thinking his presence will make you happy. Answer (1 of 4): First of all, I recognize that you have feelings: you feel sad about being away from someone you cared about. I cant sleep I cant eat. That person may reach out to the narcissist, puzzled, to find out what happened. Thats the weakness of women who loves so much. This all depends on the way your ex chooses to approach you and why they want you back. So they make a mental note that feeding you a dose of guilt got the job done, so they throw in some more. Interesting comment. He cant dupe me anymore so he leaves me alone and fears me now. I cannot describe it. Perhaps the narcissist will come back down the road with an apology for bad behavior or promises to answer outstanding questionsthe closure we never got. Kim, is it safe to say that one of the main differences between a NPD and BPD (besides the fear of abandonment) is that BPD behavior is more on the non-malignant side and NPD IS malignant? And the story will repeat again, maybe shell catch him and get out instead of staying like I did for 4 years. Sounds like this man may be a male borderline as opposed to a classic narc. I love this app especially since any number on your blocked list wont go to voicemail. There is one thing that is different with a narcissist. Now I know he was never really sorry. I seem to remember saying to you a few weeks before we left school that I needed to be away from and also take a step back and really look at how I felt about you and our relationship. When he couldnt get his way the nastiness started again. Please do not underestimate the fear and trauma that a man can cause to a woman and this is not even mentioning the physical violence from the first narc, pinning myself and my baby son to the bed by the neck. Another one ruined our marriage. And even tho I know WHY it hurts so much that he doesnt understand how he has hurt me. You are better off. She never paid a bill whilst she was there. They are so patient like a wild animal waiting to strike. He has tried everything to stop my return. Even if she wanted to talk to me, I doubt she would since she owes me so much money. I did not know that. Myself When i look back and know all this now, i can say that i am recovering as we speak from the 3th N relationship. But that is better than being an emotional wreck every day like I was in the beginning. Keep reading Kims stuff as she is so knowledgeable with a huge heart for victims! Id been waiting since then to get another call from him to threaten me in some way over the damn freezer but nothing since then up until this past weekend. Does that say something about us? Unfortunately he knows my pickup and plate number! I will have to be strong and say no otherwise will go back in the vicious circle. Gosh, I dont know. My point is for me six months silence and those kinds of insults mean you must despise me and want nothing to do with me because you think Im such a horrible individual. Even being through what I went through, the things some of my female Amish friends endure is truly horrific. He said that even though he stays there, he sleeps on her couch and its a place to stay. Reclaim your inner power, disarm the narcissist, and finally stay congruent with your wish for a healed life! Like I said I dont have prove yet and dont want to ask him, just for my sanity I was wondering If they do stuff like this? This is my first encounter with a narcissist. He wants me out and he didnt care that I couldnt afford anything. My Narc dropeed me after an arguement we had and we were together 8 years. I dont doubt it was a sad day or that he even missed me a little..but I also know that he probably PLANNED to msg me on that day to illicit the sympathy from me. I received a similar email when he left me for a new victim. You can put a stop to that by ceasing engagement. lol If I had replied to the song he would have been excited and asked for a call. He was livid and proceeded to tell me he was done, thats it etc. I do see strong narcissistic qualities in him, but I wonder if he is a true N. I dont want to look for reasons to by sympathetic to him, because he hurt me deeply and Ihe will not get a pass on that. Perhaps we were the ones to try to end it and attempted to explain why. Not because it is an old school to apply the psychodynamic approach (cous/uncons) to Narcs and Psycos,who cares about the fashion? If they happen to run into or see an ex somewhere that they havent thought about in a while, they may do some reconnaissance. Wow it really is hard to process it all and yes so hard to get over it when a lot of the relationship was so good. I feel he came into my life to teach me something, and ultimately broadened my compassion for others. I installed an number blocker on my phone just in case. They can pretend to be for short periods of time, but theres always a devastating reason behind it. | Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed, https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CCIQ0kMoADAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.suicidepreventionlifeline.org%2F&ei=irtgVfLuEcqayASNhYHgCg&usg=AFQjCNE4Hv6RcsQlZUZgKuDddDBWMWUwvw&sig2=0EH5yuP0YMqLmaEdMf7V6w&bvm=bv.93990622,d.aWw, http://letmereach.com/2014/10/06/why-do-i-feel-so-attached-to-my-narcissistic-ex/, The Narcissist, the Ex, and the New Girlfriend The Art of Triangulation | Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed, The REAL Reason the Narcissist Comes Back After No Contact | freefromnarcissisticabuse, Vanilla Sky Unreality with the Narcissist | Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed, FAQ Friday 5 Common Questions About the Common Narcissist | Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed. He lies and lies and covers with excuses and tries to deflect blame. Narcissistic rage is not like normal anger, its an uncontrollable and subconscious desire to lash out. Narcs and Psychos dont do this. When you go into No Contact mode, you are shifting the power to yourself, and the narcissist loses their sanity because theyve lost not only their God-like power, but also their emotional punching bag. Hi Taniel. But it still hurts. If you find that its too much to handle on your own, you may want to consider joining us in The Essential No Contact Bootcamp. He also had dozens of hobbies and it changes every 6-12 months. Answer (1 of 5): One of the worst fears a narcissist has is being exposed . Another great one! Then the telephone bill came in for the phone I gave him, here I saw he was communicating with 3 different women plus me. Narcissists have lots of deceptions up their sleeves. Shes left again and Ive not heard from her in over a week. There is no difference than that dog and our beloved Narc. I dont want to have this baby alone. Best of luck to you!! I block her out and I try to move on. Answer (1 of 40): 1. I was the love of her life. I no longer qualified as a suitable actor. He has asked me repeatedly to call him but I have not because I have worked hard to get to a place where the pain is manageable and I know that I come first. Hes like yah last few weeks Ive fantasized about it. But.. after three days of loving promisses and announcements,` I do antything what i can to make this relation better bla bla, i never want to lose you, you are the best in my live. He never asks how is son is doing and apparently loves him so much and thinks about him all the time. Anyway, last Friday was my birthday as well as his uncles (HE WILL FOREVER REMEMBER MY BIRTHDAY!). I read somewhere if they agreed to help, it would take over 10 years to truly fix, but because they think they are God or better than everyone else, they dont continue the sessions and the cycle continues. This was to much for me and I half heartedly ended things. Just to be able to do that after being treated so badly by them, shows us just how special we really are. At first, he tried doing friends with benefits but I declined. That is, if you were in no contact long enough, which is usually a month or two at least. This is the same selfish shite who left me in debt with unpaid bills, and in the time that he had stayed in my house he had bought two investment properties and of course he also left me his cat. Anonymous, I think Kim is right. It surprised me, thought she was married to the guy she lives with. Just be silent and it will kill them. 1. So, after theyve broken up with you and in a new relationship, the narcissist might feel that the supply theyre getting from their current partner is not as good as the supply, they got from you. No, his initals werent IF It took me a long time to heal, too, because for one, I didnt realize at the time that my Ex is a Narcissist, so I didnt know to look for applicable healing resources. Shouting that has a lot of problems on his head and how dare i claim him so much i was embarassed for my family to hear so i said with a harder voice to go through him.. `Yes my mother is ok she is worried but feels good.!! Maybe a couple of conversations will be amazing, but dont let on they are. In all you wrote what stood out for me is your son. It has been over 2 yrs that my ex broke up w me according to him because I send an old guy friend a meme I LOVE YOU FRIENDETC SEND TO 15 OF YOUR FRIENDS. Started sending me love songs. I can see youre struggling to figure out. -Passionate and deep in the bedroom Has it been easier than just having him up and leave? Everything Ive read, everything I know tells me this isnt what I really want but I feel so broken and worthless. I mean thousands of dollars. So, if he dont like it and cant wait until I decide when I want to sit the boxes outside my door, he can call the sherriff and he can come by my house and Ill be happy to turn them ovr to him but my ex is not running anything here anymore. But if a new love interest starts making you feel uncomfortable, becomes condescending, or asks you to change things about yourself, theyre outta there! I knew eventually I would have to give him that internet and satellite equipment but I was going to make him wait for it. Good Luck. Anyway family day he came by to see kids, once they went to bed he sits down and my three yr old is sitting there and he says do you know why I came? . So, when the cops called they said unfortunately they couldnt charge him because he now is alleging I theeatened too. Knowledge is power and when I confronted him and told him I had figured him out and listed his Narc traits, he was blown away and I actually think that he is afraid of me now. But he is not, they say, with his long-missing wife, Shelly who hasn't been seen in public since August 2007 and is believed to still be living at . Eden, in response to your question: I was responding to tiredofliars8 specifically (just in case you thought I was responding to you). By the way, most Narcissistic partners accuse their targets of abuse (in this case, you) of being one. He was cool and calm and thought he was in control until I declined his offer with certainty. There is a tangible difference between BPD and NPD, even though the symptoms and the way the victim feels is similar. Deep down, they are hurting souls and not the cruel calculating individuals theyre perceived to be. I cant help to talk about him to people. Then, since narcissists love using shock value, theyll text you in the middle of the night with the photos with a caption that says something like, what do you think your social media followers would think if a picture like this got leaked to them?. My bruises didnt show for two days. Unfortunately, once you learn none if it was real, you cant help but wonder why you ever trusted them in the first place. Can anyone give me some answers as to why he is so interested in contact if he is so happy and moved on. I am now working my way up from a breakup. On the anniversary of his mothers death he sent a text to remind me. Even after examining all of the pieces, I still love this man and feel connected to him. Meanwhile, they tell everyone around them that youre the one who wont leave them alonethey want nothing to do with you. Thank you. Of course she gets Dads estate to survive. One us mere Genuine, Loving, Caring, Giving, Trusting, Empthetic, Loyal Mortals will never ever understand. CRAZY TOWN!!!!! Because we did everything together there is a lot of memories. He began finding hobbies and interests that would allow him to escape from the home, friends would call for help and there he would run. Lies, lies, lies.. And sex halted to once a month. There are many professionals who do treat narcissists successfully. Thus resulting in devaluation of myself and allowing her to walk over me. [Read: 7 Reasons Why Narcissists Wont Give You Closure]. keep tabs on me)? Im not sure he actually paid attention to what I looked like, but one thing is for sure, I didnt look like that all the time when we were together. and we can both tell our sides to the story. Omg the i cant believe i put up with my ex narc for a year and a half..he was a classic..he was insane to believe i didnt see his games but in my boredom..low self esteem and yes my own insanity i stayed..but in a weird way im happy i went through it because i know what one is and it will never happen again..and i learned alot about myself in the process..he will be turning 59 this year..its going to suck dying alone . So better go trough the pain. They will always try to come back into our lives. It got that bad . Hope that helps. But I have finally accepted who he is and that he cant and wont change and that there is no future for us. Im not healed and am still trying to get my head around the fact our entire relationship was a lie. Told him this time I do have something to say. 5. If you can tolerate the emotional rollercoaster that will come with maintaining a friendship with a narcissist, then go ahead. I dont know how to be fair to my girls and to myself in this situation. And not fair to myself. Cut your losses. Thank you for sharing your experience, Josi. Im still trying to get over a 10-year thing with a narc woman. I realize the relationship was a major setback for you and I really am sorry. They never change and will just do their best to suck you in and hurt you all over again. Ive supported her through so much, mentally, emotionally, financially and she doesnt seem to remember any of it. And time is passing. He said all of that in the shop because he wanted to see if he could win you back. I also have a lot of rage and I am so cynical and pessimistic of everything .I think I have ptsd. But clearly, something in me allowed this man to keep doing some of the things he did, long after my spirit was telling me to run like hell. I can vision the tears and terror when the mess erupts. We do that subconsciously in order to correct the unworthy feelings we had as a child, but only, that never happens with a narcissist. He gives me a glimpse of the man I fell in love with. Oh, and I want to be the first to say that my experiences pale in comparison to some women who have posted here and on other sites. He then sulked and went silent and told me I was making a big mistake. Very giving in our lovemaking (in contrast to what Ive read about most Ns). Then he texted me that he hoped for me to Find finally the love of my life because he has found that one. He said if he found it, he would put it in my mailbox, which is next to my landladys house. Walk away and find someone who respects and appreciates you. Narcissists have got a reputation to uphold, when the relationship comes to an end, the last thing they need is for their ex to start trashing their name. Other then that we were alright. What they wont do is tell you about it. More often then not, Narcissists are described by their partners as the "perfect man/woman.". 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